Thursday: October 27, 2005, Saving Our Children and the Planet

I have not forsaken you, Oprah Blog. Well, not completely. For us to live our best lives, we must sometimes forsake the things we love and then come back to them, not with shame, but with pride.

Or something. I am pretty sure Oprah would be down with that "quote".

So anyway...
Choo Choo!
I am back on the Oprah train.
Oh should I say, the environmentally conscious Oprah train.

If there is one thing I love about Oprah is that she can make the most "liberal" of topics seem like common sense while presenting it to billions of her red state housewife viewers.

And she is totes right. We are really fucking up the environment. Our country is a bunch of fat fucks sucking up gasoline in their monstrous vehicles and then whining about the cost without doing anything to remedy the problem. In particular it's them housewives lugging their fatty kids around to soccer practice in their SUVs that are SOLEY responsible for globabl warming. And then God goes and gives AIDS to every person in Africa. Justice is a bitch, I guess.

If these Moms stopped their kids from suckling at McDonald's teet and gave them some carrots, they could probably fit themselves into a Toyota Prius and in doing so, get 65 miles to the gallon, thus helping to bring around an end to our dependency on Middle East oil, which is why we're fighting in Iraq to begin with. Did I mention 2000 Americans have died there?

Woah when the fuck did I turn so political? Damn you Oprah.
In conclusion, please go buy some lightbulbs that are good for the earth and capture some more child molesters. You'll be doing the whole planet a favor.